Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
