I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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