Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So much Jack, so little girl.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
