The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
