I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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