eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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