found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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