so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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