i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
