Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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