Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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