If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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