when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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