and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
