i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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