gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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