i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
