I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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