The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
