I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
