tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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