I am puke
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You took a bar mat shot.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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