Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
