yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
