Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
