i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
