even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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