You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
