Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
