I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I need moral support for this bender
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
