Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
