I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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