I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
