I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize