Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
