Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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