I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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