Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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