I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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