I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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