How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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