he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
this boner is exhausting
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
