I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
