he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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