Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
