how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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