I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Dignity is for republicans.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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