Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
