My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
