No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
