does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
