Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
