haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
