Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
