I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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