Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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