Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
