i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
