I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
