I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize