dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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