I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
