I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
